no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
