Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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