I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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