those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
