Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
