How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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