I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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