Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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