If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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