there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
