tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
