Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
