Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
