As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize