I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
