I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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