did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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