Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
