Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
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Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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