I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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