someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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