Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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