There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
