I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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