Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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