I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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