I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
