i can't believe i had my finger in that
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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