So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
