I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
home. puking in laundry basket.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it penis luge time yet?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
