Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
