you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
