did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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