This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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