morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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