her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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