she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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