i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
