they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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