I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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