They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
