i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
