she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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