I have demons in me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ketchup is God's man juice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
