We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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