She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
