drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
