Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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