The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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