just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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