So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was like eating out sand paper
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
