The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
