This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
