Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
