if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
