my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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